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Who designed the human body?

Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out who might have designed the human body.

The first chap said "I think it was a Mechanical Engineer, because of the joints and muscles and sense of balance." The other three nodded their heads and said "Yeah, could be."

The second chap said "I think it was an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nodded their heads and said "Yeah, could be."

The third chap said "I think it was a Chemical Engineer, because of the delicate hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nodded their heads and said "Yeah, could be."

The fourth chap snapped his fingers and exclaimed "I know, it just HAD to be a Civil Engineer!" The other three asked "Why?"

"Well" said the fourth chap, "who else would put the waste water drainage system through the middle of a recreational area!"

















Engineer's New Bike

An engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his who said "Wow, that's a great bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well, the strangest thing happened" said the first student."A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"

"Wow," remarked his friend. "That's great! Good move, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

















Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his files and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a very popular guy.

One day God calls the Devil up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" The Devil replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gone down there; send him up here immediately." The Devil says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue."

The Devil laughs with glee and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

















Architect, Artist, Engineer

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or the mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said "I like both".

"Both?"

The engineer replied, "Yes. You see, if you have a wife and a mistress, they will both assume you are spending time with the other woman. Then you can get into the lab and do something really important."

















Job Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Personnel Officer asked the young Engineer fresh out of University, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of £75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."

The Personnel Officer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 6 weeks paid holiday, full medical and dental care, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Jaguar?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the Personnel Officer said, "Of course, ...but you started it."

















Engineers & Computer Programmers on a Train

On a train to a large convention there was a group of computer programmers and a group of engineers. Each of the computer programmers had a train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The programmers started laughing, expecting the engineers to get caught and be thrown off the train.

When one of the engineers, the lookout, said "here comes the conductor", all the engineers went into the bathroom. The programmers were puzzled.

The conductor came aboard, said "tickets please" and got tickets from all the computer programmers. He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said "ticket please". The engineers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and moved on. A few minutes later the engineers came out of the bathroom. The computer programmers felt really stupid.

On the way back from the convention, the group of programmers decided that they would try the same trick. They bought one ticket for the whole group. They met up with the engineers in the same car.

Again, the programmers started snickering at the engineers. This time NONE of the engineers had tickets. When the lookout said "Conductor coming!", all the engineers went to one bathroom and all the computer programmers went to the other bathroom.

Before the conductor came on board, one of the engineers left their bathroom, knocked on the programmers bathroom, and said "ticket please."

















True Meanings of Computer Industry Acronyms

AOL:	Almost On-Line
Apple:	Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
Basic:	Bill's (Gates) Attempt to Sieze Industry Control
CD-ROM:	Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
DOS:	Defunct Operating System
IBM:	I Blame Microsoft
ISDN:	It Still Does Nothing
Macintosh:	Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
OS/2:	Obsolete Soon, Too
SCSI:	System Can't See It
WWW:	World Wide Wait
PCMCIA:	People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms